Naber, What?! Gets His Nabers
Blake Howell has carried the team name for a full year. At pick 32 he finally took Malik Nabers and completed the bit. The league agreed it had to happen. Nobody agreed it was good value.
Twelve teams. Sixteen rounds. One hundred ninety-two picks. Here is the blueprint every manager will spend the next four months defending โ or quietly deleting from the group chat.
Round 1 went chalk โ six wide receivers, six backs, no surprises. Then the room blinked. Nine of the twelve picks in Round 2 were running backs, and by the time the snake turned back around the position was stripped to the studs. Cain Cooksey walked away with Christian McCaffrey and Saquon Barkley on consecutive turns. Everyone else spent the next fourteen rounds explaining why they didn't.
"I had a plan. The plan was RBs. Everyone had that plan." โ twelve managers, simultaneously
Blake Howell has carried the team name for a full year. At pick 32 he finally took Malik Nabers and completed the bit. The league agreed it had to happen. Nobody agreed it was good value.
Two future Hall of Famers went back-to-back at 82 and 83. Barnwell got Kittle, Jacob Johnson got Kelce, and a decade of tight end supremacy officially became a value pick.
Brandon Aubrey came off the board at pick 87 โ a full 40 picks before the next kicker. The league has a long, documented history with early kickers. It never ends well.
The second-to-last round produced a former triple-crown winner. Cain Cooksey took the flier. Alvin Kamara (141) and Mark Andrews (118) went late too โ the veteran discount was in full effect.
Eli Hurt blinked first, taking Josh Allen at 26. Five teams then waited past pick 75, and three held out until Round 8 or later. Patrick Mahomes lasted all the way to 97.
CeeDees Blue Balls is dead. Long live Aaronning Away With It. The league's most reliable punchline drew the top pick, took Gibbs, and followed with Jacobs and A.J. Brown โ a genuinely coherent board. Nobody knows how to feel about it.
| # | Team | QB | RB | WR | TE | K | DST |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Aaronning Away With It Isaac Puzey | 2 | 5 | 5 | 2 | 1 | 1 |
| 2 | Nobody's Hurt Eli Hurt | 2 | 3 | 5 | 3 | 1 | 2 |
| 3 | Gut Check Donavon Alderson | 3 | 5 | 5 | 1 | 1 | 1 |
| 4 | Room 40's Nuts CJ Tackett | 2 | 5 | 5 | 2 | 1 | 1 |
| 5 | rylan's Remarkable Team Rylan Thomas | 1 | 7 | 5 | 1 | 1 | 1 |
| 6 | 4th n Long to Deannas Tight End Cain Cooksey | 2 | 4 | 6 | 2 | 1 | 1 |
| 7 | Mr Swift Logan Alderson | 2 | 4 | 6 | 2 | 1 | 1 |
| 8 | Naber, What?! Blake Howell | 1 | 4 | 6 | 3 | 1 | 1 |
| 9 | 3rd Beer Hits The Blake Towers Garrett Burton | 2 | 5 | 6 | 1 | 1 | 1 |
| 10 | I chase brown kids Jacob Barnwell | 2 | 3 | 7 | 2 | 1 | 1 |
| 11 | Blevins' RubNTug Jacob Johnson | 1 | 4 | 7 | 2 | 1 | 1 |
| 12 | Beatin Sandy's Cheeks Tyler Blevins | 2 | 4 | 6 | 2 | 1 | 1 |
| Pick | Player | Team |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Jahmyr Gibbs ยท Det, RB | Aaronning Away With It |
| 2 | Bijan Robinson ยท Atl, RB | Nobody's Hurt |
| 3 | Ja'Marr Chase ยท Cin, WR | Gut Check |
| 4 | Puka Nacua ยท LAR, WR | Room 40's Nuts |
| 5 | Jaxon Smith-Njigba ยท Sea, WR | rylan's Remarkable Team |
| 6 | Christian McCaffrey ยท SF, RB | 4th n Long to Deannas Tight End |
| 7 | Amon-Ra St. Brown ยท Det, WR | Mr Swift |
| 8 | Jonathan Taylor ยท Ind, RB | Naber, What?! |
| 9 | CeeDee Lamb ยท Dal, WR | 3rd Beer Hits The Blake Towers |
| 10 | James Cook III ยท Buf, RB | I chase brown kids |
| 11 | Justin Jefferson ยท Min, WR | Blevins' RubNTug |
| 12 | De'Von Achane ยท Mia, RB | Beatin Sandy's Cheeks |
| Pick | Player | Team |
|---|---|---|
| 13 | Drake London ยท Atl, WR | Beatin Sandy's Cheeks |
| 14 | Rashee Rice ยท KC, WR | Blevins' RubNTug |
| 15 | Ashton Jeanty ยท LV, RB | I chase brown kids |
| 16 | Chase Brown ยท Cin, RB | 3rd Beer Hits The Blake Towers |
| 17 | Jeremiyah Love ยท Ari, RB | Naber, What?! |
| 18 | Kenneth Walker III ยท KC, RB | Mr Swift |
| 19 | Saquon Barkley ยท Phi, RB | 4th n Long to Deannas Tight End |
| 20 | Trey McBride ยท Ari, TE | rylan's Remarkable Team |
| 21 | Derrick Henry ยท Bal, RB | Room 40's Nuts |
| 22 | Omarion Hampton ยท LAC, RB | Gut Check |
| 23 | Breece Hall ยท NYJ, RB | Nobody's Hurt |
| 24 | Josh Jacobs ยท GB, RB | Aaronning Away With It |
| Pick | Player | Team |
|---|---|---|
| 25 | A.J. Brown ยท NE, WR | Aaronning Away With It |
| 26 | Josh Allen ยท Buf, QB | Nobody's Hurt |
| 27 | Nico Collins ยท Hou, WR | Gut Check |
| 28 | Brock Bowers ยท LV, TE | Room 40's Nuts |
| 29 | Javonte Williams ยท Dal, RB | rylan's Remarkable Team |
| 30 | Garrett Wilson ยท NYJ, WR | 4th n Long to Deannas Tight End |
| 31 | George Pickens ยท Dal, WR | Mr Swift |
| 32 | Malik Nabers ยท NYG, WR | Naber, What?! |
| 33 | Travis Etienne Jr. ยท NO, RB | 3rd Beer Hits The Blake Towers |
| 34 | Tetairoa McMillan ยท Car, WR | I chase brown kids |
| 35 | Kyren Williams ยท LAR, RB | Blevins' RubNTug |
| 36 | Cam Skattebo ยท NYG, RB | Beatin Sandy's Cheeks |
| Pick | Player | Team |
|---|---|---|
| 37 | Jayden Daniels ยท WSH, QB | Beatin Sandy's Cheeks |
| 38 | Jalen Hurts ยท Phi, QB | Blevins' RubNTug |
| 39 | Chris Olave ยท NO, WR | I chase brown kids |
| 40 | Zay Flowers ยท Bal, WR | 3rd Beer Hits The Blake Towers |
| 41 | Emeka Egbuka ยท TB, WR | Naber, What?! |
| 42 | Davante Adams ยท LAR, WR | Mr Swift |
| 43 | DeVonta Smith ยท Phi, WR | 4th n Long to Deannas Tight End |
| 44 | Quinshon Judkins ยท Cle, RB | rylan's Remarkable Team |
| 45 | Bucky Irving ยท TB, RB | Room 40's Nuts |
| 46 | Jaylen Waddle ยท Den, WR | Gut Check |
| 47 | Tee Higgins ยท Cin, WR | Nobody's Hurt |
| 48 | Ladd McConkey ยท LAC, WR | Aaronning Away With It |
| Pick | Player | Team |
|---|---|---|
| 49 | D'Andre Swift ยท Chi, RB | Aaronning Away With It |
| 50 | Tyler Warren ยท Ind, TE | Nobody's Hurt |
| 51 | Jadarian Price ยท Sea, RB | Gut Check |
| 52 | Terry McLaurin ยท WSH, WR | Room 40's Nuts |
| 53 | DJ Moore ยท Buf, WR | rylan's Remarkable Team |
| 54 | Lamar Jackson ยท Bal, QB | 4th n Long to Deannas Tight End |
| 55 | Sam LaPorta ยท Det, TE | Mr Swift |
| 56 | Drake Maye ยท NE, QB | Naber, What?! |
| 57 | Colston Loveland ยท Chi, TE | 3rd Beer Hits The Blake Towers |
| 58 | Jameson Williams ยท Det, WR | I chase brown kids |
| 59 | Luther Burden III ยท Chi, WR | Blevins' RubNTug |
| 60 | Rome Odunze ยท Chi, WR | Beatin Sandy's Cheeks |
| Pick | Player | Team |
|---|---|---|
| 61 | Kyle Pitts Sr. ยท Atl, TE | Beatin Sandy's Cheeks |
| 62 | Bhayshul Tuten ยท Jax, RB | Blevins' RubNTug |
| 63 | Joe Burrow ยท Cin, QB | I chase brown kids |
| 64 | Alec Pierce ยท Ind, WR | 3rd Beer Hits The Blake Towers |
| 65 | Carnell Tate ยท Ten, WR | Naber, What?! |
| 66 | Jaxson Dart ยท NYG, QB | Mr Swift |
| 67 | Courtland Sutton ยท Den, WR | 4th n Long to Deannas Tight End |
| 68 | David Montgomery ยท Hou, RB | rylan's Remarkable Team |
| 69 | Marvin Harrison Jr. ยท Ari, WR | Room 40's Nuts |
| 70 | Parker Washington ยท Jax, WR | Gut Check |
| 71 | Michael Pittman Jr. ยท Pit, WR | Nobody's Hurt |
| 72 | Mike Evans ยท SF, WR | Aaronning Away With It |
| Pick | Player | Team |
|---|---|---|
| 73 | Jake Ferguson ยท Dal, TE | Aaronning Away With It |
| 74 | Christian Watson ยท GB, WR | Nobody's Hurt |
| 75 | TreVeyon Henderson ยท NE, RB | Gut Check |
| 76 | DK Metcalf ยท Pit, WR | Room 40's Nuts |
| 77 | Caleb Williams ยท Chi, QB | rylan's Remarkable Team |
| 78 | Harold Fannin Jr. ยท Cle, TE | 4th n Long to Deannas Tight End |
| 79 | Rico Dowdle ยท Pit, RB | Mr Swift |
| 80 | Tucker Kraft ยท GB, TE | Naber, What?! |
| 81 | Bo Nix ยท Den, QB | 3rd Beer Hits The Blake Towers |
| 82 | George Kittle ยท SF, TE | I chase brown kids |
| 83 | Travis Kelce ยท KC, TE | Blevins' RubNTug |
| 84 | Rhamondre Stevenson ยท NE, RB | Beatin Sandy's Cheeks |
| Pick | Player | Team |
|---|---|---|
| 85 | Jordyn Tyson ยท NO, WR | Beatin Sandy's Cheeks |
| 86 | Wan'Dale Robinson ยท Ten, WR | Blevins' RubNTug |
| 87 | Brandon Aubrey ยท Dal, K | I chase brown kids |
| 88 | Jaylen Warren ยท Pit, RB | 3rd Beer Hits The Blake Towers |
| 89 | Matthew Golden ยท GB, WR | Naber, What?! |
| 90 | Brock Purdy ยท SF, QB | Mr Swift |
| 91 | Tony Pollard ยท Ten, RB | 4th n Long to Deannas Tight End |
| 92 | Michael Wilson ยท Ari, WR | rylan's Remarkable Team |
| 93 | Brian Thomas Jr. ยท Jax, WR | Room 40's Nuts |
| 94 | Dak Prescott ยท Dal, QB | Gut Check |
| 95 | Matthew Stafford ยท LAR, QB | Nobody's Hurt |
| 96 | Chuba Hubbard ยท Car, RB | Aaronning Away With It |
| Pick | Player | Team |
|---|---|---|
| 97 | Patrick Mahomes ยท KC, QB | Aaronning Away With It |
| 98 | Jakobi Meyers ยท Jax, WR | Nobody's Hurt |
| 99 | Jonathon Brooks ยท Car, RB | Gut Check |
| 100 | Justin Herbert ยท LAC, QB | Room 40's Nuts |
| 101 | Jordan Addison ยท Min, WR | rylan's Remarkable Team |
| 102 | Josh Downs ยท Ind, WR | 4th n Long to Deannas Tight End |
| 103 | Kenny Gainwell ยท TB, RB | Mr Swift |
| 104 | RJ Harvey ยท Den, RB | Naber, What?! |
| 105 | J.K. Dobbins ยท Den, RB | 3rd Beer Hits The Blake Towers |
| 106 | Trevor Lawrence ยท Jax, QB | I chase brown kids |
| 107 | Kyle Monangai ยท Chi, RB | Blevins' RubNTug |
| 108 | Kyler Murray ยท Min, QB | Beatin Sandy's Cheeks |
| Pick | Player | Team |
|---|---|---|
| 109 | Khalil Shakir ยท Buf, WR | Beatin Sandy's Cheeks |
| 110 | Quentin Johnston ยท LAC, WR | Blevins' RubNTug |
| 111 | Makai Lemon ยท Phi, WR | I chase brown kids |
| 112 | Chris Godwin Jr. ยท TB, WR | 3rd Beer Hits The Blake Towers |
| 113 | Isaiah Likely ยท NYG, TE | Naber, What?! |
| 114 | Jordan Mason ยท Min, RB | Mr Swift |
| 115 | Jayden Reed ยท GB, WR | 4th n Long to Deannas Tight End |
| 116 | Xavier Worthy ยท KC, WR | rylan's Remarkable Team |
| 117 | Dallas Goedert ยท Phi, TE | Room 40's Nuts |
| 118 | Mark Andrews ยท Bal, TE | Gut Check |
| 119 | Jacory Croskey-Merritt ยท WSH, RB | Nobody's Hurt |
| 120 | Rachaad White ยท WSH, RB | Aaronning Away With It |
| Pick | Player | Team |
|---|---|---|
| 121 | Deebo Samuel Sr. ยท SF, WR | Aaronning Away With It |
| 122 | Dalton Kincaid ยท Buf, TE | Nobody's Hurt |
| 123 | Blake Corum ยท LAR, RB | Gut Check |
| 124 | Aaron Jones Sr. ยท Min, RB | Room 40's Nuts |
| 125 | Chris Rodriguez Jr. ยท Jax, RB | rylan's Remarkable Team |
| 126 | T.J. Hockenson ยท Min, TE | 4th n Long to Deannas Tight End |
| 127 | Cameron Dicker ยท LAC, K | Mr Swift |
| 128 | Ka'imi Fairbairn ยท Hou, K | Naber, What?! |
| 129 | Jayden Higgins ยท Hou, WR | 3rd Beer Hits The Blake Towers |
| 130 | KC Concepcion ยท Cle, WR | I chase brown kids |
| 131 | Stefon Diggs ยท WSH, WR | Blevins' RubNTug |
| 132 | Tyjae Spears ยท Ten, RB | Beatin Sandy's Cheeks |
| Pick | Player | Team |
|---|---|---|
| 133 | Kenyon Sadiq ยท NYJ, TE | Beatin Sandy's Cheeks |
| 134 | Denzel Boston ยท Cle, WR | Blevins' RubNTug |
| 135 | Zach Charbonnet ยท Sea, RB | I chase brown kids |
| 136 | Cam Little ยท Jax, K | 3rd Beer Hits The Blake Towers |
| 137 | Tyrone Tracy Jr. ยท NYG, RB | Naber, What?! |
| 138 | Jalen Coker ยท Car, WR | Mr Swift |
| 139 | Woody Marks ยท Hou, RB | 4th n Long to Deannas Tight End |
| 140 | Brian Robinson Jr. ยท Atl, RB | rylan's Remarkable Team |
| 141 | Alvin Kamara ยท NO, RB | Room 40's Nuts |
| 142 | Daniel Jones ยท Ind, QB | Gut Check |
| 143 | Romeo Doubs ยท NE, WR | Nobody's Hurt |
| 144 | Hunter Henry ยท NE, TE | Aaronning Away With It |
| Pick | Player | Team |
|---|---|---|
| 145 | Evan McPherson ยท Cin, K | Aaronning Away With It |
| 146 | Texans D/ST ยท Hou, DST | Nobody's Hurt |
| 147 | Jason Myers ยท Sea, K | Gut Check |
| 148 | Broncos D/ST ยท Den, DST | Room 40's Nuts |
| 149 | Tyler Allgeier ยท Ari, RB | rylan's Remarkable Team |
| 150 | Jared Goff ยท Det, QB | 4th n Long to Deannas Tight End |
| 151 | Juwan Johnson ยท NO, TE | Mr Swift |
| 152 | Tre Tucker ยท LV, WR | Naber, What?! |
| 153 | Rams D/ST ยท LAR, DST | 3rd Beer Hits The Blake Towers |
| 154 | Rashid Shaheed ยท Sea, WR | I chase brown kids |
| 155 | Gunnar Helm ยท Ten, TE | Blevins' RubNTug |
| 156 | Calvin Ridley ยท Ten, WR | Beatin Sandy's Cheeks |
| Pick | Player | Team |
|---|---|---|
| 157 | Steelers D/ST ยท Pit, DST | Beatin Sandy's Cheeks |
| 158 | Harrison Mevis ยท LAR, K | Blevins' RubNTug |
| 159 | Ravens D/ST ยท Bal, DST | I chase brown kids |
| 160 | Jordan Love ยท GB, QB | 3rd Beer Hits The Blake Towers |
| 161 | Seahawks D/ST ยท Sea, DST | Naber, What?! |
| 162 | Jalen McMillan ยท TB, WR | Mr Swift |
| 163 | Lions D/ST ยท Det, DST | 4th n Long to Deannas Tight End |
| 164 | Isiah Pacheco ยท Det, RB | rylan's Remarkable Team |
| 165 | Eddy Pineiro ยท SF, K | Room 40's Nuts |
| 166 | Eagles D/ST ยท Phi, DST | Gut Check |
| 167 | Browns D/ST ยท Cle, DST | Nobody's Hurt |
| 168 | Patriots D/ST ยท NE, DST | Aaronning Away With It |
| Pick | Player | Team |
|---|---|---|
| 169 | Jerry Jeudy ยท Cle, WR | Aaronning Away With It |
| 170 | Harrison Butker ยท KC, K | Nobody's Hurt |
| 171 | Tyler Shough ยท NO, QB | Gut Check |
| 172 | Tank Bigsby ยท Phi, RB | Room 40's Nuts |
| 173 | Chargers D/ST ยท LAC, DST | rylan's Remarkable Team |
| 174 | Jake Bates ยท Det, K | 4th n Long to Deannas Tight End |
| 175 | Packers D/ST ยท GB, DST | Mr Swift |
| 176 | Dontayvion Wicks ยท Phi, WR | Naber, What?! |
| 177 | Dylan Sampson ยท Cle, RB | 3rd Beer Hits The Blake Towers |
| 178 | Brenton Strange ยท Jax, TE | I chase brown kids |
| 179 | Samaje Perine ยท Cin, RB | Blevins' RubNTug |
| 180 | Cairo Santos ยท Chi, K | Beatin Sandy's Cheeks |
| Pick | Player | Team |
|---|---|---|
| 181 | Caleb Douglas ยท Mia, WR | Beatin Sandy's Cheeks |
| 182 | Bears D/ST ยท Chi, DST | Blevins' RubNTug |
| 183 | De'Zhaun Stribling ยท SF, WR | I chase brown kids |
| 184 | Jalen Nailor ยท LV, WR | 3rd Beer Hits The Blake Towers |
| 185 | Terrance Ferguson ยท LAR, TE | Naber, What?! |
| 186 | Jauan Jennings ยท Min, WR | Mr Swift |
| 187 | Cooper Kupp ยท Sea, WR | 4th n Long to Deannas Tight End |
| 188 | Will Reichard ยท Min, K | rylan's Remarkable Team |
| 189 | Baker Mayfield ยท TB, QB | Room 40's Nuts |
| 190 | Travis Hunter ยท Jax, WR | Gut Check |
| 191 | Pat Freiermuth ยท Pit, TE | Nobody's Hurt |
| 192 | Sam Darnold ยท Sea, QB | Aaronning Away With It |