Logan Alderson completes a three-year revenge tour, leads the league in scoring at 1,879.96, and dismantles RubNTug 138.1–85.0 for the crown.
Garrett Burton dropped the highest single-game total of the playoffs in Round 1 — then the magic vanished by the semis.
The #7-seed Nobody's Hurt stunned #2 Gut Check, then rode a 6–8 record all the way to a bronze finish.
A 10–4 two-seed bounced in the opening round. Sources say he Venmo'd the fees and ghosted the group chat.
5th in total points, dead in the water. Sometimes the schedule just hits different — and the gods show no mercy.
CJ Tackett's title defense was over before November. Room 40's Nuts crashed all the way to 10th.
Our new champion still owes ink on his backside from 2022. The league's biggest unresolved storyline rolls on.
Logan Alderson finished dead last in 2022 with a −28.1 differential and still owes an ass tattoo for the punishment. In 2025 he led the league with 1,879.96 points and went a perfect 7–0 at home en route to the ring. The question consuming the group chat: is a man truly the champion if he never paid what he owes?
"He's the champ until he pays up. Then we'll talk." — a league source who definitely isn't Isaac
| # | Team | Status | W–L |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Mr Pfizer + Swifties Logan Alderson | Champ | 9–5 |
| 2 | Blevins' RubNTug Jacob Johnson | Runner-Up | 11–3 |
| 3 | Nobody's Hurt Eli Hurt | 3rd | 6–8 |
| 4 | 3rd Beer Hits Blake Garrett Burton | 188 Pts | 8–6 |
| 5 | I chase brown kids jacob barnwell | 7L Skid | 6–8 |
| 6 | 4th n Long to Deanna Cain Cooksey | — | 8–6 |
| 7 | Gut Check Donavon Alderson | Crybaby | 10–4 |
| 8 | CeeDees Blue Balls Isaac Puzey | — | 6–8 |
| 9 | Beatin Sandy's Cheeks Tyler Blevins | Consol. | 6–8 |
| 10 | Room 40's Nuts CJ Tackett · def. champ | Dethroned | 6–8 |
| 11 | Naber, What?! Blake Howell | — | 4–10 |
| 12 | Waffle House Bound Rylan Thomas | 🚽 Toilet | 4–10 |