FINAL · WEEK 17 SUN, JAN 4
Playoffs
Final
Mr Pfizer138.1
RubNTug85.0
3rd Place
Nobody's Hurt104.2
3rd Beer100.4
Semi
Mr Pfizer112.3
Nobody's Hurt87.9
Semi
RubNTug138.9
3rd Beer119.3
R1 · High
3rd Beer188.3
4th n Long115.5
R1 · Upset
Nobody's Hurt109.7
Gut Check100.7
🏆 2025 Champion

Toilet Bowl
to Trophy

Logan Alderson completes a three-year revenge tour, leads the league in scoring at 1,879.96, and dismantles RubNTug 138.1–85.0 for the crown.

Top Stories

All News →
Records

The 188-Point Explosion

Garrett Burton dropped the highest single-game total of the playoffs in Round 1 — then the magic vanished by the semis.

Film Room · 4 min read
Upsets

Cinderella Crashes the Party

The #7-seed Nobody's Hurt stunned #2 Gut Check, then rode a 6–8 record all the way to a bronze finish.

Bracketology · 3 min read
Drama

Donavon's Round 1 Meltdown

A 10–4 two-seed bounced in the opening round. Sources say he Venmo'd the fees and ghosted the group chat.

Hot Takes · 2 min read
Tragedy

Barnwell's Seven-Game Skid

5th in total points, dead in the water. Sometimes the schedule just hits different — and the gods show no mercy.

Analytics · 3 min read
Power Rankings

The Champ Gets Dethroned

CJ Tackett's title defense was over before November. Room 40's Nuts crashed all the way to 10th.

Rankings · 2 min read
Investigation

The Tattoo That Won't Die

Our new champion still owes ink on his backside from 2022. The league's biggest unresolved storyline rolls on.

Investigations · 5 min read
1TATTOO OWED

Championship Asterisk In Effect

Logan Alderson finished dead last in 2022 with a −28.1 differential and still owes an ass tattoo for the punishment. In 2025 he led the league with 1,879.96 points and went a perfect 7–0 at home en route to the ring. The question consuming the group chat: is a man truly the champion if he never paid what he owes?

"He's the champ until he pays up. Then we'll talk." — a league source who definitely isn't Isaac

Championship Bracket 2025 PLAYOFFS
Round 1
1RubNTug157.2
8Blue Balls112.3
53rd Beer188.3
44th n Long115.5
3Mr Pfizer157.6
6brown kids119.8
7Nobody's Hurt109.7
2Gut Check100.7
Semifinals
1RubNTug138.9
53rd Beer119.3
3Mr Pfizer112.3
7Nobody's Hurt87.9
Final
3Mr Pfizer138.1
1RubNTug85.0
🏆 Logan wins
Final Standings 12 TEAMS
#TeamStatusW–L
1
Mr Pfizer + Swifties
Logan Alderson
Champ9–5
2
Blevins' RubNTug
Jacob Johnson
Runner-Up11–3
3
Nobody's Hurt
Eli Hurt
3rd6–8
4
3rd Beer Hits Blake
Garrett Burton
188 Pts8–6
5
I chase brown kids
jacob barnwell
7L Skid6–8
6
4th n Long to Deanna
Cain Cooksey
8–6
7
Gut Check
Donavon Alderson
Crybaby10–4
8
CeeDees Blue Balls
Isaac Puzey
6–8
9
Beatin Sandy's Cheeks
Tyler Blevins
Consol.6–8
10
Room 40's Nuts
CJ Tackett · def. champ
Dethroned6–8
11
Naber, What?!
Blake Howell
4–10
12
Waffle House Bound
Rylan Thomas
🚽 Toilet4–10

The Debt Report

Full Ledger →
🍑

Logan Alderson

Last place · 2022
Owes
Ass Tattoo
Status: UNPAID — legitimacy in question
🍔

Tyler Blevins

Last place · 2024
Sentence
24 Hrs @ Waffle House
Status: UNPAID — the waffles wait
😭

Donavon Alderson

Round 1 rage quit · 2025
Sentence
Eternal Shame
Status: GHOSTED — Venmo'd & dipped