The Roster · 2026

Meet the Legends

12 elite fantasy managers. Infinite trash talk. One legendary league. Champions, clowns, and everything in between.

The Commissioner

😭RAGE QUIT

Don Alderson · Gut Check

The man, the myth, the crybaby. The #2 seed of 2025 lost in Round 1 of the playoffs at 10–4 with 1,824.56 points scored. Sources say he immediately Venmo'd the league fees and disappeared from the group chat. He remains commissioner for 2026, because of course he does — and he opens the season hosting the little brother who took his crown.

"Someone's gotta finish last every year. It just ain't gonna be me, even though I lost." — Don, allegedly

The 12 Managers

2026 ROSTERS · 2025 RESULTS

💉

Logan Alderson

Mr Swift

2025 finishChampion

Record9–5

Points For1879.96

Home record7–0 perfect

"From toilet bowl to trophy. Still owe that ass tat tho."

🤝

Jacob Johnson

Blevins' RubNTug

2025 finishRunner-Up

Record11–3 (best)

Final score85.0 (smoked)

Championships2023

"Best record. Got smoked in the final. Pain is eternal."

🏥

Eli Hurt

Nobody's Hurt

2025 finish3rd Place

Record6–8

Playoff seed#7 Cinderella

UpsetBeat #2 Gut Check

"Nobody's Hurt… except Donavon's ego after I bounced him."

💻

Garrett Burton

3rd Beer Hits The Blake Towers

2025 finish4th Place

Record8–6

Playoff high188.34 (R1)

Roster moves12

"Dropped 188 in Round 1. Still couldn't close it out."

😬

Jacob Barnwell

I chase brown kids

2025 finish5th Place

Record6–8

Points For1678.86

Final streakL7 brutal

"Seven straight losses to end the season. Collapse is real."

🐐

Cain Cooksey

4th n Long to Deannas Tight End

2025 finish6th Place

Record8–6

Roster moves8 (fewest)

StreakW3

"Set it and forget it. Efficient king."

😭

Donavon Alderson

Gut Check · Commissioner

2025 finish7th Place

Record10–4

PlayoffsR1 exit (#2 seed)

AwardCrybaby of Year

"Venmo'd the fees and dipped. Tale as old as time."

🍔

Isaac "Isuck" Puzey

Aaronning Away With It

2026 teamRebranded

2026 draft slot1.01 · Gibbs

2025 finish8th Place

Roster moves35 (most)

"New name, top pick, no excuses left. We'll see."

🧇

Tyler Blevins

Beatin Sandy's Cheeks

2025 finishConsol. Champ

Record6–8

Margin1.32 pts

Owes24h Waffle House

"Won consolation. Still owes 24 hours at Waffle House from 2024."

🤓

CJ Tackett

Room 40's Nuts

2025 finish10th Place

Record6–8

Title defenseFailed

Championships2024

"From champion to almost toilet bowl. The fall is real."

🏃

Blake Howell

Naber, What?!

2025 finish11th Place

Record4–10

Championships2022

TrajectoryChamp → 11th

"From 2022 champion to 11th place. How the mighty fall."

🚽

Rylan Thomas

rylan's Remarkable Team

2026 teamRebranded

2026 draft7 RBs, 1 QB

2025 finishDead Last

Final week63.3 pts (oof)

"New name, same backfield hoarding. Remarkable indeed."

The Hall of Fame

Full History →

Champions Club 5 YEARS

2021	Chicken Fingers Jesse Tuggle · 12–2
2022	Lets Ride Blake Howell · 10–4
2023	Blevins' RubNTug Jacob Johnson · 8–6
2024	Room 40's Nuts CJ Tackett · 8–6
2025	Mr Pfizer + Swifties Logan Alderson · 9–5

The Punishment Ledger LAST PLACE PAYS

2022	Logan Alderson Owes: Ass Tattoo · UNPAID
2024	Tyler Blevins Owes: 24 Hrs Waffle House · UNPAID
2025	Rylan Thomas Last place 4–10 · sentence TBD

Most Points · 2025

Logan · 1879.96

Best Record

Jacob Johnson · 11–3

Single-Game High

Garrett · 188.34

Most Roster Moves

Isaac · 35

Legendary Rivalries

BEEF FILES

Bros

The Alderson Brothers

Don vs Logan. Commissioner vs the challenger. Series: Don leading historically — but the little brother just won the chip while big bro rage-quit. Power has shifted.

Beef Files · 3 min read

Champ vs Chump

CJ vs Isaac

Champion vs consistent loser. Status: Not even close, ever. CJ has a ring; Isaac has 35 roster moves and no playoffs.

Beef Files · 2 min read

Fallen Kings

Blake vs Jacob J.

Two former champions both trending down hard. Status: Both struggling. Blake's at 4–10, Jacob just got smoked in the final.

Beef Files · 3 min read